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Strange World

by Young and Heartless

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1.
I've never been too popular with you or your friends, but you go around, slitting your wrists for attention, selling your soul for gold and oh my God it's getting old. I don't want to scare you, you've just been so afraid your entire life. I snuff out a cigarette walk downtown, where every face looks like a celebrity. But it's all the same to me, it's one hell of a life here in these dreams. You want to be rich I know, I know (Top dollar shoes and fancy clothes), you want to be that pig with lipstick on, lip syncing all of her songs. Everybody wants to be famous, run to California, where the artists kill themselves and the actors die from the medication. And who needs God when you have money, and who needs love when you have sex. I need another pill to get me through this mess. I need a cut below the eye, I'm hanging on by crows feet, wither away, with dry bones and chardonnay. I need another article to say my name again. You want to be rich I know, I know (Top dollar shoes and fancy clothes), you want to be that pig with lipstick on, lip syncing all of her songs. Everybody wants to be famous, run to California, where no one is quite themselves, and living is just copying someone else. Hey, do you know, you're not impressing me. (I'll be the one to tell you) You can see through everyone but yourself, and does it make you sick? Does it make you bite your lip when it happens to the ones that you love? Is your finger so far down your throat?
2.
I can barely remember when we were young, standing in the parking lot at one, and you said I don't even like you anymore, but no one else is answering my calls. It is like I'm not here at all. And these days, you ain't quite been the same since your father left. It's not your fault I say, it's not your fault. And you say, I don't care anyway. Someday, we will lie in our separate graves, where heaven and hell couldn't stay further way. And I hope I never see his face around this town or ever again. I can barely remember when we were young, the day you saw your father's son. And you asked is it alright if I could stay here all night. I didn't want to be seen by your brother. 17 and terrified, I climbed out of your window and into your backyard. Every apology I wrote, sounded like a suicide note. Words fell out, panic setting in my hands I cried no. All this wasted breath, my God it's unbearable. That's when a thought crept in my head. I climbed up to a branch, took a breath and I fell. Broken ribs and torn apart I looked up. I couldn't believe that this was summer love. Trying hard not to sound desperate but you're the only one I talk to anymore. Isn't it strange, isn't it strange? How we only remember the awful things, when we were young, when we were young.
3.
Last rounds of the night leaving downtown on 34, roads are wet from the rain but tonight is crystal clear. A call comes in, he takes it, another hour is another dollar toward the family trip. But it's one of those nights, where you're checking your watch and it always stays the same. Every morning in this job you pray you never see a neck break. Your head shakes because you will never know what you are gonna know. Until you go home, slip in another photo with that family that you barely even know. A two boy suicide pact, one pulled the trigger the other one didn't have the guts. Standing there with no tears left, his eyes open wide, his best friend with his face down. Four letter words are whispering behind his back. The world keeps spinning on. The boy in the back of the squad car keeps mumbling to himself quietly, but in my head he is talking to me. And in our conversation he says "If I can't do it myself, at least give me some help. I know you think you're driving me home but my blood is on your hands. They say not everyone can do it the first time. For some it's a slow death taking decades in dead end jobs. So tell me what's it like to live a normal life? Is it different when you're older or do you just ignore it? You said I would have my whole life to regret what I said." A two boy suicide pact, one pulled the trigger the other one didn't have the guts. Standing there with no tears left, his eyes open wide, his best friend with his face down. Four letter words are whispering behind his back. The world keeps spinning on. "Hey pig I think you'll figure it out someday. It will be you against everyone you've ever loved. I don't regret a thing." (It will be you against everyone you never had the time for)
4.
Wide Eyes 04:43
I tried to do the best for you, I grew a greater sense of knowing what to say while you were packing all of your things and moving on. I didn't want to be the one who had the issues with moving on. And you said "How pathetic could you be now?" I guess I'll never know. Your mind is a book I've never read, too busy writing down the words that didn't stick. I swallowed ink and now I can't remember what I loved in the first place; Just old art and bad poetry. I grew tired of sounding more creative than I was just for me. You read my mind, were so impressed, so mindful of the old pages, so intent on the rest. Just move on without me. Your mind is a book I've never read, too busy writing down the words that didn't stick. I swallowed ink and now I can't remember what I loved in the first place. Just move on without me. No sunlight, no warm beds, no phone calls home, no life to miss. You say I should get some rest, you know me better than I know myself. I lie awake, eyes wide, I hate this body that I have become.
5.
My words hold water like hands hold raindrops, I've dripped through the ceiling and down through the cracks of the floor, drenched by a thought. That I've lost my faith in God. I still hide underneath umbrellas in hoping the sky doesn't see me there, but that sounds like faith to me. There was a time, I wasn't so easily distracted, but now I can't tell if I've been faithful or naive. I still don't like the feeling. I stood in front of you but to you I was background music, in another room on the telephone you were saddened. I couldn't believe how fragile we can be and how stubbornly we can pretend everything is alright. I would do anything to give her words. If God could only see to use her instead of me, I would go to him and bleed myself clean. I would apologize for wasting his time. I would apologize for wasting my life. And when the whole world asks, why I never called them back, they will point their crooked fingers to you. And I will wish I would have one more moment to say, "It's all my fault." It's one am, she is still alive inside her body somewhere, fill her veins with tubes, read her a book and lay beside. Do you ever lie awake at night because daylight is such a burden sometimes? So many people to please and no soul in your bones to keep their glasses full. I wonder why beautiful days always end in rain, or why a crow carries death like a worm to the nest, I protest, it's all the same.

credits

released July 10, 2012

Recorded by Joel Otte at Studiote in Grand Rapids, Michigan
All artwork done by Dave Watt
All music written by Young and Heartless
Copyright 2012

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Young and Heartless Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

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